Thread: Top 10 Funniest One-liners of 2011 Shorten URL

Nick Helm won the funniest joke award in 2011. He said about his win: "I knew my joke was the funniest joke of all the other jokes in 2011.

The top 10 festival funnies were (if you read these like the comedian would deliver them, they are pretty great one-liners - I will steal some):


1.) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."


2.) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."


3.) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."


4.) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..."


5.) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing."


6.) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."


7.) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."


8.) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."


9.) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails."


10.) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin."